Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
