he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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