I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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