Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize