Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
