I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You made out with two different species that night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
