I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
