first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
