You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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