He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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