That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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