People with herpes should wear stickers.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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