You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
