I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
