That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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