I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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