If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
