I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
