threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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