I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
