the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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