Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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