haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
