i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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