Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
