Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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