Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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