Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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