butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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