Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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