please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
