It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize