im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
