lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
