Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had sex on a roof
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
