It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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