We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need moral support for this bender
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
