I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
