At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
