Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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