I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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