"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
