I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize