i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
