forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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