I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
