I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
