So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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