I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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