never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
