Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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