just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
