some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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