Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize