the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we made out on top of his cat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
