So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
