when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
