i permit you to call me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
