I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
