just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
