He kissed a someone with a penis
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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